"I am an idiot walking on a tight rope of fortune and fame"

honestly, i really am trying to find excuses to write in this thing, but frankly, there is nothing in my life. i could talk about the band, about my job, about my vicarious actions to the world, but there is nothing important, nothing worth wasting a breath, or in this instance, your time. i would like to make a block-buster movie of a gang war where Morgan Freeman is the leader of an "black panthers" type group against Sean Connery and a group of "british hooligans." fuck you, i think it will sell big. i wish i could live every dream i ever said i had. i wish i could say that i did that, or that i was there. i wish i did more with myself. i really love my guitar. it's my new best friend. i would rather waste my days with her, then with no one. i think i would be completely alone if i didn't find comfort in that, world of warcraft, and my dog. i want to know that i still bleed still, because i haven't let myself get hurt in a long time.

i wish i could be her friend still, not because i miss it that much, but because i feel bad for her. i think that what she really could use in a genuine friend that doesn't judge her or talks bad about her. but i don't know if i can. it's not that it hurts to talk to her, it's just she is annoying and dependent, and she is self-centered, and worse of all, she hates herself. it's hard to be friends with someone who is completely miserable, and to know you can't really do much for her. she was special to me before, i swear to god we had something, i won't lie. it's just time changes things, and people grow up or don't. maybe one day she'll grow up too, and we can get lunch or something, until then, i don't think i can handle her.

i have a huge like toward really pretty acoustic guitars and songs. the simple stuff like neutral milk hotel, to some complex like iron and wine. but you can really make songs beautiful with an acoustic guitar. i need to get guitar lessons, not for the band, but for me to enjoy doing stuff more. i want to just pick up a guitar and make something, doesn't have to be good or nothing, but some little jam. that be nice. i mean i can hear it in my head, i just need to figure out what makes that sound.

i thought i had nothing to say, i guess i had a lot on my mind. what scares me really, is death. i mean when your a boy who's turned his back on his faith. you fear more and more what comes next. if i where to die, will that be it? do i just go to a whole in the ground, i mean i wouldn't really know, all my organs will be shut off, i wouldn't exist. so therefore i have nothing be afraid of, because there is nothing next, in theory. i mean i could fear not growing old, finding love, settling down, the joys of being a father, seeing the world, but i mean, it wouldn't matter, i'd be dead. my aunt died recently, and i am sad about it, but i am also content with it. i mean, she was a good person, she had a lot of faith, she went through the struggle and hardships like a true hero. and i'm proud to say she was a fighter. i mean, there are so many worse ways she could of gone, but at least i know, she was content with things. she defiantly is an inspiration with the whole fear of death thing. i will miss her of coarse,  but i would like to get to the point where i'm confident to say that i'm happy to have known such a wonderful person.

he yawns.

she yawns as well.

she yawns because she's bored.

he yawns because he can't sleep anymore.

she  yawns.

and he yawns as well.

he yawns because he's tired.

the girl that he slept with sleeps too soon at night.

when she yawns she tells the truth.

that the boy she adores is just a man she's contracted to.

and what of you and me.

admit that you're bored.

you're bored of electricity.

i've had enough of love.

it just ends with two yawns of unison.