its been awhile since ive been here, its been awhile since i found the time.

i rather not go looking for insights of my current mood by saying a quote that is relevant to me feeling at the moment. for one i have almost fully embrace the fact that the moment is the moment, and once its gone, you miss it. you can have past records; photos, memories, etc. but once you lived that single moment of you life, you can never go back to it again. and once you fully except that as an inevitability, then will you be able to learn and move on. why do we constantly make the same mistakes trying to fix what we did wrong before. we try to make up for something that already has happened. or we try to find solace in what we felt that moment and try to recreate it. it will never come back, no matter if we get the people, place, and time right, we can never go back to feeling how we first felt that time when that thing just happened. never. it may take me some more forethought and a good will to fully comprehend this idea, but once i grasp it,  the sky really is the limit. i mean once i am able to constantly learn, and not create the imperfection of human error over, and over, and over again, will i then be able to live life to the fullest. i cant go back and fix anything, or anyone from what they where. and i am truly sorry if i ever did that to you. i have nothing more but a shear sense of respect and dignity to give to you. and though you may never believe nor accept it, i want you too to realize that i shall never change, and that youll never be able to fix me. its just a terrible cycle we are forced to face as people. but hopefully one day we can learn to just accept who we are, and forgive what we are not.