"Let's just all sell our souls and work for Satan. It'll be easier that way."

ever take a step back from your life, go into third person to really look at where you are and what your doing? are you ever disappointed at where your life currently stands. wonder what it be like if you made different choices, decided to take risks, be less timid in situations. American Beauty is a great movie, and i recommend it anyone who hasn't seen it. that movie has a really good meaning behind it, but it also makes me want to start smoking pot again really bad. i mean today has been nothing but signs saying i should start up again. i mean i could use the r&r it gives, a break from reality. i mean day in day out, my job is becoming less of a teenage trail, and more of an adult prison. my boss was talking to me about learning new trades, and how it will help rather then just being a cashier. to say i have experience in other potions, that i know the different flush systems of a toilet, or how to set up a fan in your house, or the difference between wine and rose. but fuck it, do i really want that. do i really want to say that i can do those things, that this is my job, my habit, my life. interesting enough, i almost let myself be content with mediocrity. depressing as it sounds, i was about to be fine working the job i had in high-school, rise the ranks, be nothing special, and die at the age of 19. i don't want to die just yet. i think im going to travel soon, to some place i just never been to, with a friend or by myself, i really couldn't answer you that, not right now at least. i think im going to do a lot of things this summer actually, hopefully ill stick to them though. i've lost touch with my inner will to live, and thats sad. i should take more risks, meet more people, do more things with my life, shit, i should smoke pot again, although that will probably make me more lazy then i already am, hmm, its going to be a long road